OK, I never thought I'd be complaining about a guy actually really liking me (for a change), but I'm..confused..bit concerned..hmm..He just rang me, just like that. Guys don't ring me. Unless they want to talk dirty. Seriously. Then five minutes later he rang again to say next time he sees me he'd like a hug. The hug thing is in reference I guess to me telling him the other week that it's just not a good idea us getting involved though I'm going to find it hard to resist one of his lovely hugs. Then a few minutes later a text comes through saying he's finding it hard to sleep, that he'd like to see me. I'm torn between "Ah what a sweetheart!", and "omg, I feel terrible, you like me like that and I just don't feel it back..I don't want to hurt you!". Is this getting a bit messy? Oh crap.
So starting where I left off. Colleague and friend at work asks me out. I'm initially VERY chuffed. He tells me how he looks out for me every morning, how I stand out to him at work, how warm and genuine he finds me, how my smile makes his day, how attractive he thinks I am. And I'm stunned by the revelation. Not to put myself too down, but the boy's a hottie, with his fair share of admirers at work, that he would look at me twice has done my self-esteem no end of good. And then mainly terror takes over as I have been attracted to him in the past, but as I discovered, when it comes down to it, I'm just not that into him. There's just not that mental spark I need to be interested, one-to-one I struggle to find anything to talk to him about. Which wouldn't be a big deal, but I can't be having just a "bit of fun" with a) someone I have to work with, b) someone who seems to have "feelings" for me, c) someone who is a friend and whose feelings I care about.
We went on a couple of dates, and each time they went the same way..Basically me not being hugely into it, then somehow we cuddle (and me being starved of affection, and crazy for being touched and stroked), it becomes more heated and before I know it, its getting decidely more sexual. But you know, we didn't DO it. So that's good.
And then once out of that sexual warm mist, I'm like "oh man, what the hell am I doing?!"
So I told him this wasn't a good idea and we needed to just go back to being mates. And he seemed cool with that. And to be fair to me, right back on date 1, I told him I wasn't sure it was a good idea.
So it's been a couple of weeks since those dates, and we see eachother at work daily, he emails me still a fair bit for random chat, and occasionally to tell me I'm looking nice or the like.
And it's really made me realise how long it's been since a man was attentive towards me, and how worth it it is to be with someone who is sweet to you and cares about you, rather than the usual cold crap I get thrown..but if the feelings aren't mutual then it's just.. an utter bloody shame.
XX chromosome bearing, thirty year old, hybrid of ethnicities, reluctant scientist, new Londoner seeking curl definition, fat-free chocolate and happiness.
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5 comments:
Just out of interest, hypothetically speaking, how do you think you would feel if the dates had been exactly the same apart from some strange distancing and a fair bit of silence on his part? No cuddles, no 'here's how you make me feel...'
Just wondering...
All sounds very honourable to me.
Giving my cynical side an outing, the nearly-but-not doing it probably has a significant part to play in the sweet texts and emails. I am still more prone to being fond of and sweet towards girls I had such dates with years later.
fweng- good point, however, I know it's not that, as I started to freak out and go off him before we even got to the really sweet first date business. I'm very capable of really enjoying a man's company if he's nice and sweet to me (it HAS happened to me before), but unfortunately with this guy although i appreciate he's a lovely guy and good looking, there just isn't the chemistry. Right annoying it is too, cos I could really do with some tenderness.
Huw- another good point. And this is really what every woman knows, if you want to keep a man keen don't sleep with him too soon..must try and remember that in future with men i'm into..
I think a fair bit of this is also to do with him being a bit on the rebound, he's not long come out of a long relationship, I would say he's still not over. And I'm the "exotic", warm female friend with a mysterious love life or something..who knows..
But ... why does there have to be chemistry from word one? The wankers have chemistry from the start. Because they're faking. And that hasn't worked out before.
He sounds nice. More importantly, he sounds like he's not a time wasting manipulative wanker. Why not give him a chance?
because i tried but I just don't fancy him at all..i see him everyday and its just not there..i've fancied nice guys before but bless him, we're like chalk and cheese..the lack of anything to talk about..i need to be mentally stimulated before im physically stimulated and he's just not doing it for me in either department..he deserves better than that..plus he's on the rebound, having just broken up with a long term girlfriend
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