Word

on the street is that the Parents are desperately trying to set me up. Again. Well, truth is, they never stopped looking and fretting that I'm going to die alone (great, we think alike, I just don't admit it), but they know how freaked out I get so they try not to say anything directly to my face. However, I hear about it, and the anxieties resurface. Deep-rooted, troubled, chest-constricting anxieties that stem from the not so pleasant past. Of being trapped with a man you do not want, but everyone tells you is what you should want. I've sort of made my peace with accepting that I can be alone a lifetime, that I have friends and family and interests, but it makes me a little sad to think how sad it makes them, fretting of my "sad lonely future". Pah! Whatever, on to other things..

Collegue is making an effort not to scare me off by giving me space and not mentioning last weekend too much, then finally he called me for a lengthy chat yesterday. Bless him, he's such a sweetie, damn finally a guy that's really into me and so attentive but I'm STILL not feeling it. Sod's frigging law. I teased him that he'd got alot of female attention at the party we were at (yeah he's a hottie). He said, he really just wanted to spend time with me, because I was "so damned cute". That, that morning when he had to leave he was disappointed cos he wanted to make me breakfast and spend a lazy Sunday snuggling up with me watching tv.

But it really can't happen again. I know how I felt when I wanted him gone. Can't go there again, however tempted I am by him physically, or however in need of a cuddle I am, cos ultimately it just isn't what I want and he's too sweet a guy to mess about. He said he's cool with whatever I want, he just wants me to keep talking to him.

Bloody heck if anyone had any idea at work of what happened between us, the gossip merchants would have a field day. I have to say, it still baffles me what on earth he physically sees in me. I'm not saying I'm a dog, but one, I nearly always look rough at work and two, I'm out of shape at present. But I'm not complaining, it's good for my self-esteem.

Next time: Reason 599 why Facebook is the Devil.