Window Seat

It makes me happy. The view from the train window, of the English countryside, hit by beams of sunlight, is so beautiful. It fills me with awe and joy and peace. I've seen it how many times now? And still the effect remains.

I seem to have lost the ability to write/blog. I sort of "write" for a living, but its technical boring stuff, maybe once I get home, I'm too tired to let the words flow. Yet on my daily walk home, through this beautiful city, past cathedrals and over bridges, the words flow in one long monologue in my head.

Another wedding this weekend, and another to come. The one gone by was in a marquee in the grounds of my friend's family home. She was beautiful. I hope she's happy. I hope they stay happy. It's an odd thing to discover you have such a mistrust, fear and cynicism about love and relationships, but to accept that although you do not understand it, you hope that whatever it is, that it will be ok..that it will work out- work well for them.

I don't display my bewilderment and confusion, I chat with you, I laugh with her, I hug your Mom, I have a dance off with him, I will the camera man to stop bloody filming for one second because really no one needs to see me immortalised on videotape expressing myself via dance to a compilation of ABBA's Greatest Hits. I am almost the life and soul, in a dress that doesn't fit me anymore (too big) and shoulder pads. OHMYGOD, shoulderfuckingpads?! What was I thinking?! And my eyebrows- ohmygod. Symmetrical plucking- my arse! I currently have two very differently sized brows that I'm hoping a professional can do magic with.