So

Eligible Bachelor is still on the fecking scene. My folks are meddling, giving him hope. You know, like inviting him around, not giving me a heads up. That sort of thing. They tried to have a "heart to heart" with me to talk me into giving the guy a chance. I didn't respond too well. It's never going to end. It worries the hell out of them that I'm in my 30's, unmarried, childless. It worries them so much, they'll keep at it, trying to analyze my "fear of commitment", trying to "discuss" my single status, trying, trying, trying, trying..till they wear me down and I accept one of these "Suitable Boys". And it's purely about love, parental love. I know that. They think they need to "help me". Maybe I do need help. Hell, the men I meet myself, have in the main just used me like meat. But not like this. I'm actually afraid to get emotionally involved with anyone, because I know chances are nothing lasts. The nice boys they like, make my skin crawl. I've been there. I canNOT relinquish control again. Marriage scares the HELL out of me. I've been engaged. It was one of the unhappiest periods of my life. I felt utterly trapped, like a life sentence,till I found the guts to break it off and run. Just leave me alone. Leave me and my crappy love life, the fuck, alone.

I flip through the tv channels, I can't bear anything to do with relationships or love or bullshit like that, and DEFINITELY not marriage..Four Weddings, Single Married Other, Snog Marry Avoid etc etc..Jesus. I'm meant to see some RomCom tomorrow night with the girls. I don't fecking want to go now. Bullshit.