I should write something

shouldn't I? Hmm..blog writing stuff has happened but well i wouldn't know where to start so I just ramble for a paragraph. O a list.

1) For the first time ever I looked up my thesis on my old university library catalogue and bloody heck it was actually there! Library catalogue number, searchable by keyword and author, available for loan and everything, how mad is that?! I should go see if anyone has ever taken the wretched thing out or whether its just been gathering dust in its bloody expensive hard binding all these years.

2) I've decided I like my temporary flatmate better than my long term one (apart from when she has the bloke round which hasn't been for a while). I feel like i be more myself. The other one's innocence and somewhat judgemental nature was begining to grate.

3) Sister has serious mental health problems- I don't want to know.

4) Family money woes- I don't want to know.

5) Currently my little brother is my most favourite company. The affection and love I have for him and my baby sister makes my chest feel like bursting at times. And when I have bad dreams it involves something bad happening to him. So this is what it is to really love, to the point of fear of loss. This must be partially what a parent must feel. I get it now.

6) Least favourite collegue is leaving. But he's been alright lately, so that's annoying. Have realised for sometime now that a person I confided in and befriended at work is really deep down fake as. I can literally see right through the veneer, the big fake smiley veneer. I think I'm the only one.

7) Belly is a right flabby mess. Haven't been to gym in yonks. I'm literally just giving money away.

8) In last 2 months or so there has been first dates, and old dates and second dates and hmm..truth is no one gives a shit.

9) And I'm coming up to my 32nd birthday..bloody hell..it is luckily spliced in the middle of a fab trip I'm planning so hopefully will be sufficiently distracted from the fact my eggs are atrophying, my boobs are less perky, I will never find anyone special to cuddle and will die alone with cats..but funnily I think of 32 and do you know what pops into my head? The fact that I've almost reached the age Mr D was when I first met him. Fucking sodding typical.

10) I've also been thinking lately that I tried love the "eastern traditional" way, I tried love the "western modern" way, and both were horrible, damaging experiences. Not always, but mostly. It's time to be celebate for a very long time. As if I have the will power. Pff.