I scanned the crowd for your face

But the cameras weren't on you*. And then there you were and a wave of affection swept over me. You looked cute and smart and I felt proud of you.

I guess I was never very good at separating my emotions from my body. I remember the exact moment that happened. I lay in your bed and wanted you to tell me more. I wanted to tell you more. Things that weren't that funny, were. I wanted you to get back in next to me and take me to a time before you knew me. You put your glasses on and that was the first wave of affection. You looked adorable. I thought to myself, I could really like him. I really could, but I won't, because he won't.

And you really didn't, did you? You were never really that attracted to me. Oh you liked the thought of me. But when it came down to it, you were so lukewarm.

Lukewarm.

Though lukewarm is slightly more bearable than that last time when..I was so humiliated..I imagine there are fewer things to destroy a woman's confidence than that. That prolonged agony of re-robing.

I scanned the crowd for your face, but the cameras weren't on you. And then there you were and a wave of affection swept over me. You looked cute and smart and I felt proud of you. And I wanted to say to my friend: "I know him. I know him intimately". But ofcourse, I said nothing. Nothing at all. And all I could see was a frozen snapshot of your face etched in a graphic expression of desire violently pushing every other image out of my mind's eye. I close my eyes and will it away.

*Post referrs to LR and not Mr D.